Just some interesting silly thought that hit me and so I decided to blog about it:)
Ever wonder how one should define the age that you hit quarter life crisis? Why is it commonly defaulted to the age of 25? Although it's pretty much true that I am now at a cross-road in life and facing a little of a crisis unto myself, if you want to define this term strictly with reference to each individual's life, 25 is definitely not the quarter. How many would live till the ripe old age of 100?Most probably it's just a nice and convenient number to consider out of a whole of 100. But to speak realistically in terms of each individual's life span, quarter life might have been reached when you were a teenager instead of now. So maybe puberty was your quarter life crisis. Wouldn't that be interesting? Well, I guess it all boils down to identity and personal crises at various stages of your life and this term "quarter life crisis" is just yet another generic term attempting to classify the various stages in life where you could most likely be in a personal identity crisis.

Wishing, Hoping and Reminiscing...

This blog's a little drastic. Sometimes entries are far and few, updated infrequently. But recently, so many thoughts keep spilling over the top of my head that I have to have to taken down right here. How I wish we were back to the school days, when we used to have those bbqs at the east coast park. That was so much fun. Then there's the various class trips and other outtings organised. Such as cycling at the ECP again and going to Sentosa. However, it is hardly possible to do so now since everyone's working and the schedule tend to clash with most of us on shift work. I miss those good old days.

It's been a while.

It's been a while. Months since I last placed an entry here.
In the dead of the night, where the only sound left is me furiously typing away on the keyboard and the chirping buzz of a cricket, here I am, sleep deprived post night-shift and yet pretty much awake due to an overdose of caffeine from dinner with the girls earlier. And so it was confirmed. But still, I can't believe it. It feels unreal and I am in denial. Perhaps I never really accepted the fact. Perhaps I just chose not to accept. In the months to come will I learn to accept? Perhaps? Maybe it will soon become a must. I will HAVE to accept it as it is. It's a reality. Not that it isn't now. But it's just a reality I prefer to run away from and deny. Pretend it all never happened. Life goes on whether I like it or not.
On a different note, I think I need to look for a travel companion. I want to go away to some where far for my 2 weeks leave in end of august. Sad to say, I have no one to go with and no idea where exactly I want to go to. The only thing I know is that I want to escape. Escape from this reality of life, even if it's only for a short period of 2 weeks. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to find some peace and accept anything in life more readily.
For now, I just want to go roll in my bed, grab my book and hope that sleep will eventually find me.

Continuing on the road of nostalgia.

I think this end of year leave have so far been filled with nothing but a nostalgic feeling. First there was the spring cleaning that had me dig out so many old memories and stuff that triggers old memories then there's the damn old chinese drama serials from Channel 8 back in the days when Mediacorp is still known as SBC.
I have been a couch potato all my life. I totally heart the TV, even though these days I am more stuck to watching the dramas online, but that doesn't make me any less a couch potato. Let's just say I kind of just switched the medium and that's about it. I can tell you that it's pretty amazing that even though I might not remember much details of what I did or what happened to me in my primary school days. Perhaps I just refuse to remember them and so as I had said previously these memories are tucked in a corner of my mind. But, the amazing thing is that if I were to listen to a tune from the old drama series again, I could easily catch on the whole song again and just by the mention of the name of the show, I can tell you parts of what happened in the drama! And that's how it is. I was just surfing around on the internet, visiting my usual video sites when I chanced upon some really old drama serials that people had actually managed to post online for all to view. How amazing is that!?! And so, I've started watching one of them called, "再战封神榜", starring Chew Chor Meng as a pretty fresh and new actor back then. I remember how I totally heart this drama when it was airing on TV. Every week night at 9pm, I will turn on my TV without fail just to know what will next happen to the main characters in the show. Ahhh..those were the good old carefree days...
And another reason why I am indeed a super couch potato? Few months back I was out for a drink with the girls and Marvin came to join us later. We were on his car, looking for a place for supper and as usual, the TV on his car was turned on. It was like 2am in the morning and Channel 8 was replaying one of those old dramas. Now, there was the scene with an actor having his back facing the camera and everyone on the car started to wonder who would that be. After a minute or so, I actually exclaimed that it's Chen Tian Wen and when the character turns around to face the camera...TADAAA!! It really was Chen Tian Wen. LOL. Everyone on the car was totally amazed and amused that I actually recognised an actor from a pretty old drama by the back of the person. Now that's a couch potato..=P

Digging Into Memories

I was packing my shelf yesterday, part of my spring cleaning project. Decided that I shall do a thorough job of spring cleaning this time round. While cleaning, I came across my old old autography book that is so tattered and torn and forgotten by me. Inside were "childish" words from classmates back in the RGPS days and slightly more "matured" but still childish and girlish words from friends back in the Crescentian days. Many wrote who were their besties and good friends. Words that were used at such free will, as if everyone really were good friends. Reflecting on these words exactly 10 years down the road, I am barely friends with most of them. Or rather, I have already long lost contact with them. Some, I found again on facebook. But, with 10 years between us and different life experiences along the way, I guess you can hardly classify us as friends anymore. I would say it's more like acquaintances, and facebook is just an utility for everyone to say, "Hey! I know you! You were from back in _____(insert where you met the person)!" Totally superficial. Then again, human beings are pretty superficial animals. So what if we have a "sophisticated" brain. For all we know, it's just because we can talk and verbalise our ideas to each other and being unable to understand how the other animals exactly communicate that we had been feeling this superiority to other organisms on earth. Yet, we human beings are also the weakest and most vulnerable when there's any changes. A tiny microscopin orgnism such as a virus or bacteria could do so much harm and cause so much disaster to us, and we would be at their mercy. In situations like this are we human being still the superior being? I guess not. It's true that we've tried means and ways to come up with solutions to either eradicate these virus and bacteria or even keep them under control but I guess we've never really found an effective solution to all these problems, rather, solutions found are temporary measures.
Ok. I've digressed way too far. As I was saying, looking at all these entries again 10 years down the road, it saddens me a little to know that I no longer keep in contact with most of these people, some of whom were really close back then. I might not even remember many of the things we did together anymore. They just weren't that memorable that they would remain etched in my memories or perhaps they are just tucked in a corner of my mind and I just don't know how to retrieve them. Perhaps you could blame it on the recency effects, like how I could remember these 7 years better than other memories before. Human brain is so complex. However, I know that all these people had in a way or two shaped me to become who I am today, and in doing so, they had left footprints in my life, on the sandy beach of my life. One interesting thing I noticed though with all the autographs that I have gotten was that many saw me as a person with strong character, tough, cheerful and even optimistic. There were even entries from my seniors that I was a naughty junior. Reading these words again, I wonder was or am I really what they saw, or was it just all an act, a strong front that I put up as a defense mechanism all these years? I am saying this because, despite that I still give people a very strong outlook of me, I feel myself becoming a little weak inside. Can I even say becoming? Perhaps there was this weak me all along, one I which I had taken care of and made sure was hiding properly all these years? Perhaps. But then again, everyone has their own weaker side, and also a dark side. It's a matter of how well each inidivdual hides them. And so I must say, I must have done a pretty good job hiding them all these while. Whatever it is, I guess we will have to learn to embrace them and accept that that is just me and no one else.

Spring Cleaning 2 Months in Advance.

That's right. The usual lazy meanie decided to bring out the clean and tidy, hardworking side of the meanie and cleaned up my room today. Will be on leave this coming week so decided that since it's been some time since I cleaned up my room and that I really had enough of the mess in my room, I shall set out to clean up! Now my room is almost spick and span. *beams with pride* In the process of cleaning, I happened to open on of the many boxes that had been in my room forever with contents long forgetten. In one of those boxes, I found my stack of autograph cards from back in the JC days. Deciding that it would be easier to distribute cards to my friends and classmates instead of waiting for each to write in a book, I bought papers and cut them up into A5 size and gave to everyone in class. I guess after leaving JC for 5 years, many memories had been left buried in the corners of my mind. "Unearthing" these cards just reminded me of all those memories all over again. I really enjoyed reading through every single card and the messages left on each of them for me. I guess even my friends who had written all those words would most probably had forgotten what they had written to me back then. Nevertheless, it indeed was interesting to be reading them 5 years down the road.
Some of these people, I'm still friends with them, keeping in contact, others I have lost along the way. Then there was the "scandal" that everyone wrote about. Even on my birthday card in that particular year! Instead of the usual birthday greetings, everyone was hinting at the scandal. Some said that we didn't deny neither did we admit but just smile and left it as it is. As such, many felt that there was really something going on between me and that particular classmate. Well, I guess we didn't say anything because we were sick of explaining and denying. If we denied, people didn't believe at all, so what was the use? Oh well, those were the days. I am still good friends with that classmate and we still come out with another classmate for meals regularly and that's all that matters.
Reading all these, a wave of nostalgia really swept across me. How I wish I could revisit those days again as a third party, like watching a movie. Of course, even with technology so advanced today, that would still be impossible. What's left would be reminiscence. Bringing out old memories to savour once in a while, all these still put on smile on my face.

I'm sorry, but I love you.

That's the literal translation of the song playing on my blog at the moment. This song had been on my hard disk forever but I've always neglected it until the other day when I was bored enough to listen in to yes933. They were introducing the various songs and albums of Liang Jing Ru and this one was from one of her earlier albums. Listening to the lyrics, I fell in love with it. How can one find the courage to really say that? Perhaps there are brave souls out there, definitely not me though. LOL.
So, nothing much to grumble about except for usual work stuff, like how I think people are really abusing portable!!!If only all the portable machines at my workplace start to give up like the other one in protest of overworking them. Ha. Ok, better not happen! I will have to write loads of reports then. Point is, people sometimes get so lazy, refuse to send the patients down and give lame excuses to make us do the xrays as portable, knowing full well that they would have to run for cover from radiation which they deem so dangerous. (They are harmful but for goodness sake the scatter is so minimal and they run like far far away and hide.blehz) If anyone were to die from radiation, I think we the "button-pushers" would be the first. Sigh.
Alright enough grumble, makes me depressed everytime I mention and start grumbling about these irritating people. Meanwhile, enjoy the song, listen on the lyrics carefully and hope you like it too.=)